5 Ways to Stop Playing The Victim

How to Stop Playing the Victim and Live a Happier Life

This isn’t the uplifting, “Go get it” stuff I normally post. Instead I’m going to examine the ugly side of  what happens when people choose to live in the pain zone.

At some point we’ve all suffered. We’ve all lost a loved one. We’ve all been let down by life or someone. We’ve all experienced some sort of pain, discomfort, or anger. The difference is what we do with those experiences.

There are two types of people


[A] Those who learn, except, and move on. These same people might choose to use their pain as fuel to do good for others.

[B] Those who have decided not to move on and as a result — they dig deep roots into their pain.

When “life” happens to persons [B] they often become consumed in bitterness, and begin lashing out in anger. They use their pain and/or suffering as a crutch which becomes the reason behind all their life failures. Being unhappy becomes all they know and the air they breathe.

The loser mentality

Every day that they choose bitterness over forgiveness (peace) they dig deeper into the victim mentality and soon they are no longer responsible for anything. In their mind they are owed revenge and/or restitution.  They feel their poor choices are justified, because they were wronged or suffered pain — the person or circumstance that caused them pain is to blame and is at fault for their lack of personal fulfillment, prosperity, and happiness.

Moving on

As adults we have to accept that life isn’t always fair or equal. Nor can we control every outcome and sometimes things happen that can never be explained.

Anger, bitterness and resentment take root when we become consumed with playing the victim and demanding retribution. Sometimes we just need to let go and trust God — trust that everything happens for a reason and good CAN come from bad.

What happens to us does not  have to define us or our lives. We have the power of choice, the power of forgiveness, and the power of letting go. It’s up to us to make a conscious decision to implement that power.

Five simple ways to overcome setbacks, heartbreak, wrongdoing, or tragedy 

1. Accept that it (pain) happened.

2. Make a choice that you are going to move on and not let our bitterness grow and control your thoughts.

3.  Stop playing the blame game and focus on the life in front of  you and the good things you have to look forward to.

4.  Turn our negative emotions into fuel for something good.

5. Turn it over to God.

Below is a poem I wrote a long time ago for someone close to me who felt like they were “a victim of life.” It might not have released them from their negative thinking, however it mentally released me from their  grip. I hope you get something out of it as well.

You say your feet are shackled

And your hands are tied

Drowning in the cesspool of life

Who is friend?

Who is foe?

You don’t know…

Take a look into the mirror

Tell me what do you see?

The person holding you back

Isn’t me.

If you liked this post and/or if it helped you in any way please, like it or share it with someone who could use the help or encouragement.



Posted on December 3, 2014 in Article, ramblings

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